Looking back on the past few months

Hey everyone,

I was in class my philosophy class a few hours ago and I was extremely bored and my mind started wandering and I started thinking about everything that happened lately.

I had my whole life planned: finish 12th grade in Romania keeping the same routine, ride every day and compete with Ayuni waiting for every day to be over so that I can finally go to the Netherlands and internship making the most out of my summer and then get back on the school track and live my best life at university studying my dream subjects and all.

Looking back I realize I was just waiting for time to pass, not letting myself do what I want because I thought "I'll do everything when I'll be in the Netherlands".

I was so surprised when I woke up one morning and got told I'm leaving for France a few days later. Not to say I was devastated and I thought everything was over. I found myself totally lost in a new country, a new school, with new people and mostly without my horse.

The first day of school was a mess, the only two people I remembered from primary school weren't in my class so I was totally lost. I tried staying with them during the breaks but it didn't feel right. I thought I'd spend my year alone because after all "One year won't be that long, will it?". However, at the end of the day, an old classmate of mine that I had totally forgotten about came and talked to me and introduced me to her other friends.

The first few days I was mostly alone but I was staying from time to time with my new "friends", always a bit in the back but they were here to encourage me to step up, and slowly I became a full part of their group.

I can't believe how kind everyone was (and still is) to me and I am so thankful for this. I think the moment I knew I loved this place was when I got invited to a party and my grandparents didn't allow me to go and I was so disappointed and I cried so much. Before I wouldn't have even wanted to go because I wasn't allowing myself to like parties but here everything feels so different.

All those barriers I put myself feel like they are slowly breaking and I start doing things I was forbidding myself to do because it "wasn't me enough" or I was scared of what people might think but here everything feels so different.

Now it's been almost 3 months since I came here and I can say it totally changed me. I feel more open and more "myself". Today I had so much fun playing cards during break time. My old reflexes were to step back and watch people play but a friend of mine said "no, now you play, it's going to be fun" and I ended up having so much fun.

It's crazy how some people I barely know are so kind and caring and they always encourage me to step up instead of staying behind like I used to.

It's true that sometimes I break down and miss my horse and friends so much and I feel bad for not riding anymore as I used to but honestly, I regret nothing and I never felt better than here speaking from a personal point of view.

Maybe the worse thing of my life turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me :))

Ilo <3